To remove all doubt, this post may or may not be written by Emperor Ming, but you are not entitled to pass an opinion nor are you permitted to consider other options.

Being insofar as the plaintiff XXXXXXXX does hereby exercise all liens and rights to XXXXXXXX  Giggs and XXXXXXXX Pippa Middleton‘s arse. XXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXX Cheryl Cole‘ accent may not be counterindicated and XXXXXXXXXX Donald Trump‘s hair. It may ipso facto  XXXXXX prerogative of the rich and XXXXXX totally Clegged.

XXXXXXXXXXXX nullifying Barcelona midfield threat and XXXXXXXX Adele XXXX Obama ping pong.  Furthermore XXXXXXXX volcanic eruptions XXXXXXX under Simon Cowell. Andrew Marr XXXXXX and XXXXXX and XXXXXX Beatrice’s hat. Any infringement of such XXXXXX may well result in XXXXX and full-blown Blatter.

This post does not exist and may not be read under any circumstances.

Published in: on May 27, 2011 at 10:32 am  Comments (38)  

Vuvuzelas sir, fahsands of ’em

By Boxo, our sporting accessory correspondent

It’s a quiz isn’t it? Bit of a change like.

So then,


– what do you think? Make a note of your answers and there’s a scoring key at the end.

  1. Cultural icon or tacky plastic irritant?
  2. Suitable for export or binning?
  3. Good fun or spoggy?
  4. Lends authority or makes you look stupid?
  5. Good to see or run! Run!
  6. Musically flexible or dead drone?
  7. FIFA should make them compulsory at all matches or ban them?
  8. North Korea sells vuvuzela technology to Iran – yes or no?
  9. Useful for late-night vomits or totally without merit?
  10. Kinda like ’em or kinda hate ’em?

Score +2 points for every A answer (first bit) and -3 for every B answer (second bit). Point goes to highest score.

Published in: on July 13, 2010 at 10:07 am  Comments (33)  

Sporting Life

By our football correspondent Kan71000. Photos by Imperial MingSnaps PLC.

 Footie in the UK is so damn tribal you risk being horribly killed for expressing your allegiance. Vile racist and other -ist chants are commonplace and the pent-up hatred is so intense you can almost eat it. It doesn’t have to be like this.

I know Aussies supporting opposing sides sit together to watch the Oz Rules Grand Final and even drink (a lot) without bloodshed & amputations. There’s plenty of banter, yes, but not viciousness. So here’s another example of how it could (and should) be done. 

Multi-ethnic crowd (& women)

Muang Kan FC is Kanchanaburi’s soccer team, proud of its tradition – its badge proclaims ‘Since 2009’ with honour. Soccer skills are, to be honest, rather poor – but that’s not the point. Its the exuberant enthusiasm that counts. The crowd loves the game, applauds skill on both sides, even clapping when opponents score. and just has a great time. There’s drummers, cold cold beers, noodles and a total carnival atmosphere. What more could you ask for? 

It’s a great new focal point for the community. I first went to see them eke out a 0-0 draw with the Chachoengsao Siamese Fighting Fish (it sounds better in Thai) and folks were still arriving late into the second half to cheer the lads on. Timekeeping never was a Thai strength. People wander off at all times to eat noodles & other snacks (this is Thailand). Who cares? 

Ten drummers drummin'

Last week we beat Rayong Sporting Beach Paradise (it sounds better in Thai) 3-1 and joy was unconfined. As ever the main point of attention was the hardcore MKFC fans, the ever-polite yet extremely noisy Orange Army of Nice People. They try to sing UK soccer chants without knowing the words but who cares? “Oh wenda say, ko maa chin in” is near enough, dammit, though Hegnoxibus would doubtlessly be appalled. 

Gorgeous, pouting cheerleaders

So why can’t it always be like this? You just need to see how others do things to twig how wrong things have gone in your home country. I’ve seen UK thugs watching the Cup Final on bar TV starting out all vocal & aggressive then go very subdued as they are surrounded and outnumbered by sporting Thais, ending up looking all sheepish and abashed. So maybe that’s the way we have to go. Just surround the thugs with polite, sporting, yet passionate fans and then they’ll become civilised. Some hope. 

Name that tune

You’ve got to hold and give/ But do it at the right time/ You can be slow or fast/ But you must get to the line// 

Published in: on April 19, 2010 at 10:57 am  Comments (38)