Vote Nobody

He’s got a Masters in Politics, you know.

I am quite taken by a new development in our current general election campaign. A political party that realistically has no chance whatsoever, has developed a movement for people to vote for ‘none of the above’, as the ballot slip allows. Their campaign posters show a series of unsavoury animals in suits with the slogan ‘Keep the animals out of Parliament’. Predictably the national vets association has complained for comparing innocent animals with politicians.

It reminds me of the old anarchist slogans – ‘don’t vote, it only encourages them’  and ‘whoever you vote for the politicians get in’.  But it goes beyond this to actually attempt to motivate people to vote, but actively vote for nobody at all.

It is an idea whose time has come. Plucky little Belgium has spent a year watching their bickering political parties attempt to form a coalition and fail, with the result that there has been no government for this period. And the sky didn’t fall in, regardless of the siren screeches of the doom-merchants.

So here’s your challenge. Imagine a ballot paper where you are invited to vote either for a politician (living or otherwise) or Nobody. Name that politico who so gets your hackles up that voting for Nobody is a distinctly rational choice. A point or two for the most compelling case, with credit given to pungent and intemperate language.

Meet the new boss/ same as the old boss//

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Published in: on June 13, 2011 at 7:05 am  Comments (49)  

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  1. Seen the posters round town, like the buffalo head best

    Here I am about to fix on Newt Gingrich as usual & I figure – aint we done this before? Didn’t we all go for some local scuzz that the rest of us aint never heard of? So I’m deputising myself & bringing in a new law. Your politico has to be from outside your country, so I can’t mention Mitt Romney or Pawlenty.

    That said, I gotta think some afore I can come up with some cringe-bucket. I’ll be right back.

  2. Anyone who calls Sarah Palin dumb gets the nobody-is-better treatment from me. She’s anti-intellectual, uninformed & usually wrong. As such, she represents the majority of real, non-urban, apple-pie Americans. She’s a hero of mine, along with Jim Ignatowsky & Foghorn Leghorn. So leave her alone or you lose my vote pronto.

    • Another classic from Mr Point.

      • Hey, no-one’s had a go at my Sarah, so that’s fine by me.

      • Bachmann Turner Overdrive. Palin’s bottled it & the Teapot new girl leads the way to Planet Woop-Woop.

  3. Can’t believe nobody spotted the Who, Wont Get Fooled Again

    If I can’t go for a Swede its got to be Sarkozy with his platform soles and trophy wife election year pregnancy. He’s how the gnomes are depicted in the old tales but the gnomes kept their promises, however odd. An anti-immigrant immigrant, he’s a complete smug git who thinks people should speak French even though everyone knows its a stupid language. I hate his shirt sizes and his barber, he’s just an squeezed expulsion on a teenagers bathroom mirror.

    • Nice one, Axel. Sarkozy’s shirt sizes always pissed me off too.

  4. Shame I can’t go for Miliband Minor. Ever since Steve Bell cartooned him as the Death-Ray Panda I can’t look at his pic without a smirk.
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cartoon/2010/dec/23/edmiliband-liberal-conservative-coalition

  5. Gotta be Berlusconi. Brylcreemed facelift corrupt septuagenarian oozing yuk from every pore. Hes got his media empire real tight, telling just what he wants the simps to think. And bunga bunga? Per-lease! Is anyone seriously impressed by parties with dozens of compliant naked young women? Dinosaur in Gucci pants, he makes roadkill vomit.

    • “Is anyone seriously impressed by parties with dozens of compliant naked young women?”

      I am that soldier.

      • Dozens?
        Naked?
        Compliant?
        Let me think this over

      • Sorry, I’m not following this at all. Can anyone help with a photo or two?

      • Dozens, eh?

  6. Living saint my arse. That Dalai Lama is a complete twat who doesn’t even get pizza without aides. Take more than a gormless giggle to get my vote.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-13782645

    • He always annoyed me too.

      • What does he do for a living?

  7. Hokey Dokey. That Nelson Mandela did nothing all his life apart from getting chucked in the slammer. Once he’s sprung everyone figures he’s fit to be President. All he does is goof about & grin, wearing those Hawaii 5-0 shirts and dumping his genocidal wife for some other corrupt presidente’s woman. Now he’s added ‘being old & ill’ to his resume. Never find me casting my vote for the Mummified Party.

    • You’ve gotta wonder what the tenth best candidate was like.

  8. that dali llama’s one of the lads
    http://newsthump.com/2011/06/16/i-prefer-a-good-knob-gag-insists-dalai-lama/

    • Ram a llama ding-dong!

  9. A certain iconoclastic tinge to proceedings so far.

  10. I always found Alberto Fujimori a little annoying. He’s still in gaol but his daughter managed to lose the recent election.

    • Well that’s fighting talk & no mistake!

      Ming hits it with the Belgians. They’re so crap they can’t even vote a government in & then the politicos can’t even bribe each other into coalition. Men say they won’t shave till a government is formed. Well that’s really gonna rock ’em sideways – NOT.

      They say the Dutch-speaking half should come into the Netherlands but hell no, we don’t want ’em, hillbilly gimpsters. You have ’em if you want. But I’d rather vote Zero, Nero or a fat-assed pig than any stymische Belgian.

      • No wonder we’ve only had one Belgian visitor with talk like that.

  11. That Hugo Chavez needs to lose a few pounds, or wear bigger shirts!! & he needs to tell his Chavs to smarten up too!!!

    • Too right. Some pumped-up lardbucket ranting on about bloated imperialists looks like a busted flush. & those Chavs need to drop the junk food pronto. Arriba!

  12. Hillary Clinton. She’s a no-account unprincipled self-regarding chancer with nothing to offer to humanity. The system that lets her kind float to the top is a heavy price to pay for our freedoms. I look forward to an age in which such parasites are given a real job of work to do, like digging & emptying latrines.
    My apologies for any perceived ambivalence in this post.

    • Hell, a man don’t get ambivalent in these parts. Next thang it’ll be civil partnerships.

      • Then it’ll be inter-racial dancing.

      • Tooth-brush sharing

      • Pineapple on pizza

      • Went a bit to far there. Sorry.

  13. Now yon Vince Cable’s the divil’s ain clishmaclaiver. In the morn he’s aye fer it, yet by eftermuin he’s agin. Fer haverin’ & mitherin’ he’s awfy hard tae beat, then he’s on yon Newsnight gabbin’ up a stramash fer the dailies the morra.. Yon Cameron (aye we ken them weel enough) tells him tae be lessen kerspeckle but he wilnae. Needs some like-myndit numpty tae tell him he’s nae so bricht as he’s daubed, best haud his wheesht afore he’s doomed.

    • Aye, he’s an auld bawbag, so he is.

  14. I’d rather vote Nobody than for any of ’em! So stuff that!

    • That’s how the EU got a nobody for the top job. Dunno his name, or what the job’s called, or what he does, but it’s summat to do with a gravy train in Brussels. Meanwhile, Belgium rubs along just fine without a government. That’s because the Civil Service runs the country, as usual.

      • In Oz the vote’s compulsory but we can vote ‘None of the dags’ if we want!! Maybe if we all started doing it?!?

  15. Scandalous how our ancestors fought & died for the right to vote & you jokers just smirk & say it’s better not to vote. Yeah, right, try living in authoritatrian states & see how that tickles your fancy. Next train to Burma anyone?

    • Got any Sabbaff?

    • Whoa, paintpot, you’ll drip your emulsion. Voting Zippo IS a democratic choice if the wonzas standing don’t measure up. It’s not the system we reject – after all we’re using it – just the stuffed shirts & yadda yadda brigade getting their snouts troughed.

  16. Hey paintrun, they’re voting for NOBODY, not not voting, yer bellend.

  17. Whatever you do, don’t call him Carpet Head

    • How ’bout Cap’n Carpet?

  18. The acid test of politicians is – do they want to keep the DNA of innocent people?

    • Grelm. Pussy-footing lilly livered squint-talk. Don’t you just get sick of all this pompous twattery dressed up as earnest well-meaning nuanced tripe? Jeez, I’m well oiked off with it & I wonder why I give a home for it. Go check your tyres & do something useful Squidbreath.

      • Mimby-wimby pootling gas-out. Is this what keeps you awake at night Toadsome? I mean, is it? Choreograph your moves over the soiree dinner table and rehearse your ‘spontaneous’ bon mots over the Chilean cabernet but God it makes me want to heave. You don’t really believe this is important do you? You’re just mouthing your cliqued-out mantra but it cuts no ice here Gopherdick.

        And I bet you’re fat too.

      • Looks like he’s in Nursey Nurseyland again. Give ’em hell!

  19. Just checked some lists of allegedly wacky Michele Bachmann quotations. Many of them made perfect sense to me. Now I’m concerned, ‘cos that might disqualify me from all future political discussions.

    • Shed time. Pronto.


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