Super-injunction

To remove all doubt, this post may or may not be written by Emperor Ming, but you are not entitled to pass an opinion nor are you permitted to consider other options.

Being insofar as the plaintiff XXXXXXXX does hereby exercise all liens and rights to XXXXXXXX  Giggs and XXXXXXXX Pippa Middleton‘s arse. XXXXXXXXX and XXXXXXX Cheryl Cole‘ accent may not be counterindicated and XXXXXXXXXX Donald Trump‘s hair. It may ipso facto  XXXXXX prerogative of the rich and XXXXXX totally Clegged.

XXXXXXXXXXXX nullifying Barcelona midfield threat and XXXXXXXX Adele XXXX Obama ping pong.  Furthermore XXXXXXXX volcanic eruptions XXXXXXX under Simon Cowell. Andrew Marr XXXXXX and XXXXXX and XXXXXX Beatrice’s hat. Any infringement of such XXXXXX may well result in XXXXX and full-blown Blatter.

This post does not exist and may not be read under any circumstances.

Rapture

So the Rapture didn’t happen yesterday. Pity.

Just imagine a world where the religious fundamentalists suddenly disappear into the clouds, leaving rational, sensible people behind. Rapture indeed.

Towelhead Down

By our man in the Black Hawk, Repoman Jack

Osama Bin Laden done got his ass busted real good. The Seals knew just what they’re doing and our C-in-C is tuned in realtime to watch the show (thought Hilary looked kinda queasy tho). Obama comes outta this looking real fine, he wanted the sucker killed and killed he was, hiding behind wife #3 like a real macho. Navy boys done ‘buried him at sea’. Yeah right. Bet the Marines drew up a real reverential service. American justice.

Big party stateside by all red-blooded Americans. Well not quite. Now there’s these dadbasted do-gooders all cringeing and crying that we never read him his rights or tried to arrest under due process. Due process my boney ass. If ever a man’s guilty as all hell its this varmint. Did we ‘violate his human rights’? Sure did, in spades. And then some.

Now I don’t recall him reading no rights to the victims of 9/11. Or USS Cole. Or them African embassies. Or them thousands of other muslims he killed for deviating from his fundamentalist version. No sir, he’s just a cold-blooded bastard hiding in his mansion while his flankers do his evil. He got his deserts.

The Seals go in

Even more hackling is them Pakistani bandits getting all  riled up and saying we violated their airspace and didn’t notify or seek approval for the raid.  Well tough talookie, buster. Here’s public enemy No 1 holed up a mile from their elite military academy and 35 miles from the capital for 5 years and they want us to believe they didn’t know nuthin’?? Per-lease! If he was a mile from West Point you bet your  ass the CIA would have twigged it pronto. We’ve been saying it for years, we pump in the aid and the military hardware but these hombres just aint our allies, and now we got us proof. So hang your moustache in shame Abdul, the whole world knows you as a two-faced rattler who shelters terrorists. And stuff that up yer violated airspace.

New York Times got it right on the money. Rot In Hell was their headline. And if that violates Satan’s human rights, well its just a risk we’re gonna have to take.  Nuff said.

Fog lifting

Typical drug-induced vision

So then. After some check-up I have been taken off nearly all drugs, down to just 2 pills at night now. Helen took our sackful of pills to show the doctor and he seemed flabbergasted that he’d given me so much and took me off them pronto. The other possibility is that the bill-inflaters in pharmacy have just tripled the amount to triple the bill.

Anyway I’m home & capable of medium-length sentences that often make sense (at least to me). I’ve got a 2 month pass before I go back for this particularly grim internal examination to see if the cancers are regrouping. Bladder function has improved, but very slowly, and further down the line is the prospect of prostate surgery if bladder function stalls. The doctor tells me to be patient and remember I’m an old man with old mens complaints. I spluttered and protested at this as I still hold this self-image of myself at 27. But I suppose I must concede he has a point. To some extent.

Anyway, could be worse. I could be back in the hands of vicious sado-nurses and moon-faced dead-eyed nuns with halitosis.

So keep tuned, urinary tract fans, you’ll hear it here first.